


Wings of Freedom

by softyjseo



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternative Universe - Attack on Titan, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Attack on Titan AU, M/M, Mentions of Blood, Mentions of Death, Minor Character Death, Scout Regiment, commission, kind of, there is fluff, titan shifter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:55:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24820432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softyjseo/pseuds/softyjseo
Summary: Yuta had spent several days of his childhood just looking at the front gate. Heavy wood, towering over the civilians as a means to protect them. Whenever it opened it showed nothing but fields of grass as far as Yuta could see before they closed up again. Whether the Scout Regiment had just left or returned depended on the day.Yuta had always wondered what was outside those walls. Old books that his grandpa had kept spoke of large oceans and animals with long necks. The old books had gotten him killed in the end, but Yuta had always cherished the thought of the ocean.Nakamoto Yuta is part of the Scout Regiment, tasked to discover lands beyond the Walls and find a way to eradicate all Titans threatening humanity. Lee Taeyong, the love of his life, is by his side every step of the way. When Taeyong finds himself in danger during one of their expeditions, however, Yuta discovers something about himself he had only seen in his own nightmares.
Relationships: Lee Taeyong/Nakamoto Yuta
Comments: 11
Kudos: 30





	Wings of Freedom

**Author's Note:**

> Heya!!
> 
> This is a commission I wrote for the lovely @softystann on twitter! It's an Attack on Titan au, but I tried to write it so that you don't have to watch the entire anime series or read the manga to understand what is going on. I hope I succeeded. 
> 
> That being said, I don't own the Attack on Titan universe. I don't take credit for it, for it is written and created by Hajime Isayama. I didn't come up with Eren's story, and I therefore don't claim Yuta's story. I simply changed things up a tad and tried to put Yuta into Eren's character and his story. 
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy this piece of work! 
> 
> x D. 
> 
> [the attack on titan theme song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AgBUP8TJqV8)

The grass fields were quiet for the first time since they had left the outer walls behind. Wall Maria was a steady rock to his side as Yuta could only hear the wind in his ears and the sound of hooves hitting the damp earth, the rain from the night before making it easier to be quiet.

Yuta didn’t talk. Johnny and Ten were silent as well, the two a couple meters behind him. They were only meant to focus on the wall, how the rock was coping under the several attacks from titans the past couple days. But Yuta couldn’t help it and kept his eyes firmly trained on the outside while he hoped Johnny or Ten focused on their actual task. He didn’t have to worry about where he was going, his horse would get him there.

The rest of the squad were checking their own areas, some investigating a titan corpse they had stumbled across that hadn’t yet burned and evaporated. Yuta was worried they wouldn’t return but he didn’t let his gallop falter, eyes firmly trained on the small trees in the distance.

“Area clear.” Ten spoke, taking Yuta’s attention away from the fields. It was still early in the morning, the sun not completely out, and for that Yuta was grateful.

“Report back to commander Kim.” Johnny was gone within a flash, his horse taking right toward where their commander and his squad were in the formation, leaving Ten to rush forward to Yuta’s side like planned. Like they had been instructed to do.

“It’s been quiet so far. Maria seems intact in all the right places, too.”

Yuta chuckled. He leaned further forward, his chest almost touching the horse’s neck. “Reckon we deserve it, don’t you think?”

Ten scoffed, Yuta’s horse moving to the left slightly so Ten could join him on his right. Ten was now an obstacle between Yuta and his trained focus on the grass so Yuta turned his head to look at the wall. It seemed to be in perfect condition, considering the circumstances.

The reports of titans at the Wall weren’t anything out of the ordinary. Not a day passed in which titans weren’t clawing at it, trying to get in with their unintelligent brains. Yuta rolled his eyes at the thought. The reports that had come in the past few days, however, were something to be worried about.

An influx in Abnormals was something to be extremely worried about. Yuta had seen a handful during his time at the Scouts, and Abnormals were not a walk in the park. They were unpredictable. Some could run, so horses couldn’t even save a person if they tried. One of these days an Abnormal that was intelligent enough to climb the Wall was going to show up and Yuta knew that the Garrison were trained just like he was, but they would not be able to handle that.

“That’s for sure.”

They kept going, steering slightly to the right to keep within the formation. The sun climbed higher and higher, increasing the well-known anxiety that coursed through his veins. He knew that he could activate his gear and shoot up the wall the second titans started showing up, but that wasn’t what made Yuta anxious.

Their formation was hastily modified for the expedition, the walls offering an escape route at any time to those who were near it. It wasn’t something the Scouts had often. Most of the time they were left with climbing the titans themselves or using trees. But now they had the walls.

Except the commander and his squad, every Scout had the means to escape a sticky situation. Along the top of the Wall were Garrisons, ready to use the canons. Yuta knew they were everywhere, but it did nothing to calm the anxiety that he felt knowing that Taeyong had no such escape.

There wasn’t a forest anywhere near them, not like the one they had passed the day before where it had been easy to take out the two seven-meter class titans that had showed up out of nowhere.

Yuta also knew that Taeyong was more than capable to protect himself, being the one holding the record of most titans slayed in his career at a high forty-five, which is _insane_ for someone his age, but nothing calmed the anxiety. He felt it during every expedition they did and it never went away until the moment the gates closed behind the entire Scout regiment and they were safely back within the walls and both of them were alive.

“Red flare!” Yuta turned his head to look at where Ten was pointing, red smoke shooting up high into the sky.

“Fuck.” Ten cursed, steering his horse to the right.

“Stay in position!” Yuta yelled, startling Ten. “We don’t need to help—we need to stay where we are until they tell us otherwise.”

Ten sighed but steered his horse back next to Yuta’s, his hands clenched around the reins.

“Take deep breaths Ten. One titan, they can handle it.” Yuta knew why Ten wanted to go and help, wanted to rush in and prevent what happened the last time Ten was on an expedition with the Scouts, but Yuta couldn’t let him.

He had received orders from commander Kim to keep Ten at his side, to not let him out of his sight. And Yuta was going to do exactly that, despite the bile that threatened to escape his throat. The red flare could be from any group within the formation, but he feared the worst. He knew Ten was doing that, too.

They fell silent. The rushed forward with the horses and kept going, keeping their eyes out for any other flares that didn’t seem to come. After what seemed like hours but what probably had been ten minutes or so, Johnny galloped back into their formation, taking the front.

“Any updates?” Ten asked, voice louder than what Yuta would like it to be. His eyes flitted around the area immediately, checking for any suspicious activity. Nothing came.

“Commander Kim gave the affirmative. He’s firing the yellow flare after we reach the next Garrison post.” Johnny answered, head turned to look at Ten and Yuta over his shoulder. His green cape moved with the wind, much like Yuta’s own. It was a sight Yuta remembered seeing when he was a child, adoring the Wings of Freedom that adorned the fabric.

The next Garrison post was miles away, if Yuta’s estimate was correct, so he stayed on guard as much as he could. This expedition had been quite short and they ended up not finding anything regarding the sudden growth of titan attacks along this part of the wall. It was quite curious and Yuta was left with more questions than answers. He supposed Commander Kim had the right reasons to terminate the mission.

“Haven’t been to Shiganshina since the last expedition.” Johnny spoke, face still turned slightly to Ten and Yuta. Yuta sensed Ten tensing up. He motioned for him to turn his face back around and Johnny listened, their horses speeding past the wall. The Shiganshina walls were visible in the distance, sure, but Yuta needed him to stay vigilant. They weren’t inside the safety of the walls yet and even after that they had quite the journey in front of them. Headquarters was quite the ways away within Wall Rose.

“Not much to do, anyway.” Yuta responded, letting the anxiety coursing through his veins grab onto the reins of his horse even tighter. He hadn’t been to his home district in a while either, too busy with training and planning, but it wasn’t like he had anyone to visit in the first place. He only came back when they were leaving for an expedition and never stopped to see what had actually became of his home town.

“I heard the market is pretty nice.” Ten commented. Yuta shook his head. He couldn’t blame Ten being hungry at all. He could feel the same hunger low in his stomach but he chose to ignore it, the outer walls of the district coming closer and closer.

Yuta turned his head to look at the fields and could see other Scouts coming closer, too. They were tightening the formation, getting ready for their arrival. Keeping the gate open was always a dangerous situation, even though the Scouts were through them within less than a minute. Yuta hoped the Garrisons on duty had sharpened their blades, just in case.

Yuta squinted his eyes as he turned his gaze back to the district and gasped. He reached forward toward the bag hanging around his horse’s neck, taking the right flare out of its container and firing it without a thought. “Titan spotted near the wall!”

“Fuck!” Johnny cursed.

“Faster!” Ten yelled, making his horse run even faster than it already was. Yuta and Johnny followed his orders, the hooves coming down to the earth even harder as they rushed forward. If the formation was still correctly in place, they were the second unit to reach the wall.

“They’ve got Sicheng! They should be fine!” Johnny yelled back, yet one of his hands was reached out to his blades, ready to attack. Yuta did the same, his hand finding the handle. The unit in front of them consisted of three, as well. Sicheng was one of them, a natural when it came to using the ODM gear. Mark was in it as well, a younger recruit that had only joined them six months ago after he graduated from the academy. They had a veteran, Kyungsoo, but if there were multiple titans with differing heights, there was no saying how they would manage alone.

When Yuta looked to his right once more, he could see several other red flares shooting into the air and he cursed. “More titans spotted!”

“Where are they coming from?!” Ten yelled. They were getting closer and closer and with every meter, Yuta’s anxiety grew worse. Mark was still young and a cadet Yuta had taken quite the liking to. If something happened to him, Yuta wasn’t sure how he would handle that.

“Activate your gear! We’re attacking from above!”

Within a second Yuta was off his horse, flying in the air. He used the wall to carry his movements, his abdomen muscles screaming at him instantly. He could hear Ten and Johnny close to him but he kept going, using the wall to get higher up and closer.

“Several titans!” Yuta yelled, eyes on the group of titans that were crowding the main gate. He could see figures in the air and almost gasped in relief. All three of them were still alive and intact.

“Hurry!”

The three of them shot forward, reaching the outer walls of the district faster than they would have with their horses. Yuta could see two seven-meter class titans, a handful of smaller ones and one that barely reached human height. He moved quickly, descending down the wall to where he could see Kyungsoo leaning against it, Mark and Sicheng a little lower.

“Plan?” Yuta asked dutifully, hoping Kyungsoo had one.

Yuta could see horses in the distance, the rest of the Scouts approaching the wall, and he hoped the titans would stay focused on them instead of turning around and grabbing for whatever human was closest. They had already lost three, Yuta didn’t want to lose more.

Before Kyungsoo could answer, four other Scouts ascended the wall from where Johnny, Ten and Yuta had come from.

Commander Kim, Taeyong, Irene and Baekhyun took their places along the wall and Yuta eyed Taeyong warily. He had a blood stain on his cheek, which spiked his anxiety, until he realized that it wasn’t Taeyong’s.

Taeyong caught his eyes and smiled at him, before turning back to the titans and schooling his expression once more.

Yuta felt his chest warm up with hope.

“Plan?” Kyungsoo repeated Yuta’s question to Junmyeon, who looked just about ready to tear out every hair he had on his head.

“We go for the kill. Yuta and Johnny! You take the two seven meters! Ten and Sicheng! You go for the five meters after the seven meters are dead! Mark and Kyungsoo, stay here and keep watch. Taeyong and Irene, you guys help Yuta and Johnny! Baekhyun and I will help Ten and Sicheng.”

“Where are the other scouts?!” Mark yelled as he shot himself higher.

“I ordered them to stay hidden. They’ve gone to the forest.” Junmyeon pointed at a cluster of trees in the distance. Yuta sucked in a breath.

“Why the _fuck_ did the Garrisons not take care of this?! What are they even doing?!” Sicheng complained, eyes angry. Yuta wondered, too. He cast a look up to the top of the wall where he knew the Garrisons had several canons, and sighed.

“Probably drunk.” Yuta remembered the days where he had let the Garrisons frustrate him, get under his skin. They weren’t fit to protect the district, always drinking and relaying too much on their make-believe sense of peace that the walls provided.

“Bastards—”

“We can talk about this later. Now, are we ready?” Junmyeon interrupted Irene with a loud yell, gathering the attention of the several scouts scattered along the wall.

“Yes, sir!”

And they were off. Yuta shot himself at the first seven-meter titan he saw, his hooks digging into the titan’s skin just below his nape. Yuta tried to ignore the massive mouth the human-like creature possessed and flew around him, taking out his blades and slashing the nape with skill.

Yuta couldn’t relish in his easy kill, however, when he heard Johnny let out a loud scream. He eyed Irene, who had served as a distraction for Yuta’s titan, who’s eyes were wide. Yuta turned his head with a flash and watched as Johnny’s line was captured by a five-meter class titan.

Yuta jumped back onto the wall, closely followed by Irene, and he surged forward to get to Johnny. Taeyong flew in as well, slicing the nape of the titan with ease. Johnny reacted quickly, surging forward to the wall.

From that moment on, all Yuta could focus on was avoid getting eaten and help the others eradicate the group of titans that were now more focused on them than they were on the front gate.

It took several minutes and at the end of it, Yuta was gasping for air as he got back to the safety of the higher wall, his fellow scouts following him. Blood dripped from Yuta’s hair and the others were in a similar shape, but all of them were alive. Yuta’s anxiety eased instantly. Junmyeon shot a blue flare into the air, giving the other scouts permission to leave their hiding spot and rush forward.

“Get your horses and let’s get the hell out of here.” Junmyeon spoke, wiping blood off his hand.

The corpses of the titans were smoking and sizzling as they made their way through the gates, the three Garrison soldiers who had opened the gate for them looking worse for wear. Only after the gate closed Yuta allowed his shoulders to relax, the tension leaving his arms and settling back in his stomach.

They walked through the main street of Shiganshina, a crowd gathering and forming a path for them to ride through. Yuta knew that people were staring at their bloodstains, judging them for their radical choices to go beyond the wall, but that was not what Yuta cared about. He knew they were also staring because a few rows behind him were the wooden carts with their supplies, including what was left from the three scouts they had lost.

Yuta bit his lip and forced himself to look forward, ignoring the faces of mothers that looked ready to hurl their children away before they got weird ideas of joining the Scout corps when they were older. He ignored the judging looks and forced himself to look at the houses and shops in front of him. He recognized most of them from when he was a child himself, some of them new. He counted the shops like he always did when they walked these streets, blocking out the crying and loud screaming from on-watchers.

It used to feel like a walk of shame, in the very beginning. When Yuta hadn’t yet learned how to block them all out. They were serving the human race just as much as the Military Police Brigade and the Garrison Regiment, just with more risk. And once they figured out how to completely wipe out all the titans, the human race would be grateful to them and spit on the others.

Yuta allowed himself one glance backward, where he could see Mark struggling with the judging looks. They had only received nine new Scouts after the last graduation, and only seven were left. the others from the academy had chosen the safer options, and Yuta felt bad for all of them. They were young still, but dedicated. This was bound to get into their heads and ruin that dedication even just a little bit.

“You alright?” Yuta held back a smile, recognizing that voice like it was his own. Warmth flooded his system but he bit his lip, willing his body to calm down. Every time Taeyong and him got back from an expedition mostly unharmed Yuta felt this glee, this insane amount of relief that they were going to have another few weeks together before it all started up again.

“I’m okay. You?”

Taeyong chuckled. He had always been better at hiding his emotions in front of the people that were now watching them ride their way through the district, only showing the masses what he wanted them to see.

“Perfectly fine.” Yuta turned his head to look at Taeyong who smiled at him, showing a gash in his arm that Yuta hadn’t noticed in the hurry of getting the entire Scout Regiment back inside the walls.

“How did that happen?!” Yuta exclaimed, startling an older woman who was standing to his side.

Taeyong shrugged, “Nicked myself. Nothing a bandage won’t fix.”

“You nicked yourself? How—what? Were you not paying attention to your blades?!” Yuta admired his boyfriend a lot. He loved him. He was magnificent in every way, extremely good at what he did despite his occasional recklessness—like trying to fight four titans at once on their first expedition together just to impress Yuta—but he could be as clumsy as a toddler.

“I was paying attention to you! You got that seven meter one with such ease I couldn’t help but stare.” Taeyong tried to defend himself. Yuta rolled his eyes.

“You can watch me all you want when we’re safely in between these walls. Don’t do it during the expeditions!” They had had this conversation several times before. Taeyong loved Yuta just as much as Yuta loved him. And while this was the most amazing feeling Yuta had ever felt, it meant that Taeyong would sometimes focus on Yuta instead of anything else. Even when he was in danger.

“Yeah yeah, we’ve had this conversation before.”

“Then listen to him.” Junmyeon cut in, startling Yuta. He threw a glance over his shoulder to look at their commander, who had clearly cut through the other horses to get to them.

“Looks like you’re in trouble, captain.” Yuta joked, letting his horse pick up a little speed so he could ride next to Ten a couple meters in front of him.

It wasn’t until late in the night did Yuta manage to get Taeyong alone. After they had arrived back at headquarters Taeyong had gone to see Kun to get his arm checked, only because Yuta kept telling him to on the ride back, Yuta had gone to take care of the horses.

He hadn’t seen Taeyong during dinner, either, but the commander’s squad were all nowhere to be found. It wasn’t something odd. The commander squad usually attended meetings after an expedition and tonight was no different. Except that Yuta really wanted to just slip into bed and have Taeyong next to him.

His friends offered distractions Yuta took part in. After dinner Yuta sat down with Johnny and Jaehyun, who watched Johnny and him play chess. Yuta wasn’t particularly good at chess, he was incredibly stupid when it came to proper strategy with things like these, but he allowed Johnny to beat him two times before Jaehyun asked for a game and Yuta had sat and watched the two boyfriends try to beat each other.

After most of the senior Scouts had left for their journeys home to the villages close by, Yuta took it upon himself to go to Taeyong and his room and get ready for bed himself. They had talked about getting a house in one of the villages close by and Taeyong had been more than enthusiastic about the prospect of owning land and being able to maybe even start farming vegetables, Yuta had felt more hesitant.

Their jobs were, after all, quite dangerous. Yuta wasn’t sure what he would do if Taeyong were to die on an expedition.

Yuta shook his head as he sat down on their bed. He dropped his head down on his pillow and inhaled, the light of the moon shining down onto his face through the open window. Summer was getting closer and closer, which meant longer days and shorter nights. Yuta preferred winter, when the nights were long and they had more time.

Yuta closed his eyes and willed those thoughts away. He allowed his mind to wander to Shiganshina, how the people had looked at them with pain and judgement in their eyes. Growing up in a city that was essentially only a wall away from being eaten had never feared Yuta all that much. The fear hadn’t come until he started to meet people he cared about.

Yuta had gone against everything his family wanted of him—taking over the family café—and had signed up to become a Cadet, leaving his city behind. He wasn’t afraid back then, for it was easy to leave his mother behind. She had never truly cared about him in the first place.

And that’s when he met Johnny and Taeyong and things changed drastically. Yuta found himself caring about them, caring about what happened to them and before Yuta knew it, he had grown afraid of what decision his two friends were going to make. He had always been dead set on the Scout regiment and was more than ecstatic that he could apply after three years of training, but his heart had clenched tightly when both Johnny and Taeyong made the same decision.

The fear of death and being eaten grew after that. With each person Yuta found himself becoming friends with, the fear grew like a tree within his lungs. Every person became a leaf Yuta was terrified of falling. Ten, Sicheng, Kun, Mark and more. It was terrifying to go out on an expedition and not knowing whether a leaf would fall and which one it would be. But Yuta couldn’t stop.

The positive part about it was that most of his friends shared the same worries. Each and every one of them were terrified of losing one another, which made the current Scout regiment the closest to date.

Yuta was proud to be part of it, naturally, but he couldn’t help the anxiety. And he supposed he was going to live with it until he retired or got eaten. A shiver went down his spine at the thought, the mouths of the titans they had fought in the morning flashing before his eyes.

Blood curdling screams joined soon after, memories that Yuta didn’t want to relive. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to think of Taeyong instead, of how if he were here, they would settle into bed together and fall asleep tangled up with one another. Yuta wanted to go for a walk tomorrow and he hoped Taeyong would be able to join him.

He also hoped Ten was okay. He hadn’t been at dinner, either, but Yuta supposed Kun and him had a lot to talk about. Kun had always been good at calming Ten down and reassuring him when he needed it. They were a good match, those two, and it made Yuta smile into the darkness of the room. 

He watched as a cloud passed over the moon slowly, the breeze carrying it away. Where was it going? Would it see the places Yuta yearned to witness but probably never would? Would it carry beyond the Walls and never return? Perhaps it would see where the titans were coming from. 

If only Yuta knew where they came from. 

Before his mind travelled much further, the door of the room opened. The old wood was creaky and loud, and Yuta sat up to watch Taeyong walk into the room, shedding his cape and throwing it on the closest chair. Yuta wanted to roll his eyes. He hadn’t even taken a shower. 

His undershirt was still bloody but the stain hadn’t grown since Yuta had seen Taeyong off to Kun, so Yuta counted that as a win. 

“Long meeting?” He asked, standing up from the bed. Taeyong nodded. Yuta moved in front of him and with silent permission, he started on working the buttons of Taeyong’s shirt open. 

“Lisa wants to go straight back to the Shiganshina gate to investigate the corpses. She’s managed to convince Junmyeon to allow the expedition so a handful of seniors and her are leaving at the crack of dawn.” Taeyong inhaled as Yuta’s hands touched his skin, his eyes closing. Yuta smiled. 

“The Military Police wants the reports this instant, which is just ridiculous, and Junmyeon is beyond himself. He actually tore out a piece of his hair at the reminder that we lost three of our own. Sehun couldn’t even get him to calm down.” That made Yuta freeze. 

“He’s really that stressed?” 

Taeyong hummed, “Horribly so. The people are getting restless.” 

Yuta bit his lip. Civilians were at their necks. Most of the Scouts’ funding came from the pockets of the people they were trying to protect and do research for, but with no results people were bound to get restless. It was a scary thought. Perhaps in a year or so the King would dismantle the entire organization without so much as a discussion if things kept progressing like they were now. 

“Chanyeol is already planning our next expedition beyond the walls. They’re desperate to find something to appease the nation.” Yuta could physically see Captain Lee disappear with every article of clothing he removed. In his place came Taeyong, the boy Yuta had gotten to know over their years as trainees and before Taeyong became tainted by the losses of their Scouts. 

Instead of commenting on that, Yuta just hummed and placed a kiss on Taeyong’s collarbone. “Baekhyun probably wasn’t too pleased by that.”

Taeyong chuckled, shaking his head. He wrapped his arms around Yuta and the boy smiled, relishing in the touch. “No. He demanded Junmyeon retract the order immediately for Chanyeol’s health but Chanyeol was the one who told Junmyeon not to do so. They left the room bickering.” 

“Poor soul.” 

“Mhm, but enough of them for now. How are you?” Taeyong pushed Yuta away just slightly, holding him at an arms-length. Yuta wanted to crawl back into the embrace immediately, but refrained from doing so. Taeyong would not take him back until he answered truthfully.

Yuta sighed. “I’m doing fine, Taeyong.”

Taeyong nodded, seemingly satisfied. Before, when Taeyong was unaware of Yuta’s troubles, they would fight after expeditions. Yuta would express his worry and Taeyong would retort that he was just doing his job, what he had trained for. What they had both trained for. And Yuta knew this and was aware that he could never ask Taeyong to change who he was, for his father had walked the same path as Taeyong, but sometimes, sometimes Yuta couldn’t help and let it slip.

It took some time but Yuta learned to talk about his worries and now their expeditions rarely ended in actual fights.

“We should get some rest, Yuyu. It’s late.” Yuta nodded and allowed Taeyong to push him toward the bed, dropping himself onto the mattress and pulling Taeyong with him.

Yuta laughed when Taeyong hit the mattress, crawling closer the minute Taeyong got comfortable. 

“Would you like to go on a walk tomorrow?” Yuta asked, his voice barely a whisper. The castle had grown mostly silent, the occasional footstep echoing through the halls and the soft voices of those leaving the grounds in order to get home. 

Taeyong hummed, “I’d love to.” 

The days after that passed with ease. They trained, took care of the horses, took walks and went into the villages for drinks. It was almost as if they were normal people, not caged within fifty-meter high walls that were like a prison, the people Yuta had read about in books his father used to own before he disappeared. 

They had lunch in the flattened grass and practiced their close combat. Yuta wasn’t sure why they needed the skill, but he didn’t complain and followed Junmyeon’s orders. Ever since Lisa and her squad had returned from Shiganshina with no new knowledge, the commander had been on edge. 

They needed something usable, effective and, above all, something that would ease the people and would help them further. 

Yuta sighed. He kicked away a pebble, watching it tumble off the sand path and into the darkness of the bushes. He knew it wasn’t smart to walk alone at night, but the nightmares had gotten worse and he needed fresh air. He hadn’t travelled far, if he were to turn around and look back he could still see the lights of the castle. 

He had left a note for Taeyong, just in case, but he was sure his boyfriend would stay fast asleep. The meetings had been killing, if Yuta had to believe Taeyong, and he desperately needed some sleep. 

So instead of waking him up like he usually did, Yuta had slipped out of the room and had followed his nightmares onto the path and further, the trees growing taller as he walked. 

They were always the same. Flashes of his mother with loud screams, a pain Yuta still hadn’t been able to place and the crunch of leaves around them. Shiganshina didn’t have a lot of forest areas and Yuta had never been able to figure out where exactly his mother and him were in the nightmares. Or what the pain was. 

And yet, they kept returning. 

Yuta sighed again, one hand carding through his hair in distress. After long meetings and what seemed to be a lot of yelling, Junmyeon had submitted to higher up orders. Their next expedition was less than two days away. 

It was insane and haphazard, not something Junmyeon would have allowed on his own. And yet here they were. They were gathering resources, filling up gas tanks and sharpening blades. The Scouts who lived in the village were spending as much time with their family as they could for there was no certainty they would return and Yuta was left with a knot in his stomach the size of a boulder. 

They were planning to go further than they had ever gone before. Baekhyun’s mapping was more than brilliant and during the briefing the night before, he had shown that their goal was to reach at least twice as far than they had ever gone before. The younger generation of Scouts had never even reached that far. Minseok, one of their oldest Scouts, came fresh out of graduation when the Scouts had attempted that distance.

It was complete insanity and Yuta knew that there was no way they would make it that far. He could feel it stirring deep down within him, the anxiety and doubt. Combined with the constant flashes of his mother screaming, Yuta desperately wanted to crawl into bed and never return.

Then again, Yuta had joined the Scouts to find out the truth. The truth about Titans and why humanity had been forced to live inside of thick walls instead of the freedom that he had read about. He wasn’t allowed to speak of it around his mother. Every time he tried, she would shove a dirty dish in his face or a few glasses, ordering him around to serve the drunkard Garrisons that were regulars.

Yuta turned around with a groan. He stared ahead, allowing his eyes to go out of focus. The lights formed circles and as he closed his eyes, Yuta could imagine himself standing on an outstretched field, no walls in sight and the birds flying high. He grinned as Taeyong ran toward him, arms wide open, and he imagined himself falling to the ground in a tumble of love for his boyfriend.

The snap of an animal standing on a twig pulled Yuta out of his fantasy. He shook his head, clearing his mind, and took off, leaving footprints in the sand. He tried his best to be quiet as he made his way onto the grounds of the castle, slipping inside without a sound. He passed through the entrance without trouble, but stumbled upon light coming from the living area.

Yuta frowned.

He tiptoed toward the light source, keeping his footsteps as quiet as he could manage, and when he poked his head inside to see what was going on, he was met with Ten seated on one of the couches, holding a green cape tightly in his grasp. Yuta felt his heart sink.

“Ten?” He whispered, not wanting to startle the man who was clearly in an entirely different place in his head.

Ten gasped, though, whipping his head toward Yuta with wide eyes. Yuta watched the shock leave Ten as the realization who had found him hit him. “Yuta.”

“What are you doing?” He asked, stepping further into the room. Ten wiped at his eyes. Yuta couldn’t see all that clearly with the two candles that were still lit, but the redness that rimmed Ten’s eyes was hard to miss. Yuta felt his heart break even more.

“I could ask you the same thing.” Ten’s smile didn’t reach his eyes, Yuta could tell that from a mile away. He had seen Ten’s real smile, one he only shared with those he trusted and when the joy within him grew too large for him to care about those around him. Like that one bar night they went to right after they graduated and Ten won a card game against Sicheng, who he had never been able to beat before.

Yuta smiled back, hoping his smile reached his own eyes.

“Touché.”

A silence fell and Yuta slipped into the seat next to Ten. He could feel the tension practically coming off of Ten in waves. He wanted to assure Ten that it would be fine, that they would succeed, but he couldn’t. No one knew for certain what this expedition was going to do to them, where they would be after it ended. Who was going to end up as titan food and who was left to deal with the aftermath of it all.

“I’m scared, Yuta.”

Yuta sighed. He moved his hand to Ten’s thigh, squeezing the muscle there. “I know Tennie, me too.”

And it was true. Yuta was terrified of the irrational choice Junmyeon had made. This expedition was going to be more dangerous than any they had ever done before. They lacked the proper preparation and some of the wounded were still not fully recovered. Mentally or physically.

And Yuta felt helpless. He couldn’t promise that Yangyang’s death wasn’t going to repeat itself this time. Ten had been unable to help him as he was fighting for his own life, but Yuta knew he felt the guilt. He understood the feeling, as unreasonable as it was. Yangyang had been too young, freshly graduated just like Mark and the others, and Yuta could still hear Kunhang’s screams as he watched his best friend get eaten.

The incident had left Ten with five months of forced time off. Kunhang had left the scouts immediately and no one had heard from him since. When Kun and Yukhei had gone and visited Kunhang’s parents, the house was left abandoned.

Yuta had hoped that during said time off, Ten would find a place for the guilt. But it seemed that the boy still hadn’t, no matter how hard he had tried.

Dejun was the only one left from the trio that had come in together, the closest of friends, and he was nothing but a shell of the boy he used to be. Yuta had heard from Mark that no matter how hard the others from his trainee squad and he tried, Dejun never laughed anymore. Yuta knew Mark was scared Dejun would do something reckless soon.

“I don’t want them to go.” Ten’s voice wavered and when Yuta looked over, he could see tears rolling down Ten’s cheek. “I don’t want them to go and get themselves killed. They’re too young!”

Yuta shushed him. “You’re going to wake everybody up!”

Ten sighed, dropping his head into his hands. Yuta petted his hair, hoping to comfort him even a little bit.

“We were the same age as them, you know?”

Ten looked up, his lip white from the pressure his teeth were pushing down on it. He sighed. “I know.”

“They trained for this, just like we have. They chose this, just like we did.”

Ten nodded, “You’re right.”

Yuta wasn’t convinced Ten was okay, but perhaps this was as far as they would get tonight.

“You’re worried about Taeyong, aren’t you?” Ten’s voice broke the short silence that had fallen upon them and Yuta froze.

“You have every right to be, by the way. If Kun was out there with us I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.” That made Yuta chuckle. Kun was a lovely, lovely man and an outstanding doctor who had joined the Scouts as nothing more than just that. He occasionally worked the kitchens, but his talent lay with medicine. And god, he was talented, but not in the field.

“I feel like I’m not allowed to worry, you know? He’s captain! He’s so—so skilled at what he does and this is what he wants, what he was born to do.” Yuta was the one to sigh this time, eyes on the old wooden floor of the living area. A tattered lay close by, the edges completely faded.

“Sure, he’s Captain Lee, the youngest person to have killed over more than thirty titans, but he’s also Taeyong, your boyfriend. The person you love. You’re allowed to worry for him, especially now.”

Yuta knew what Ten was referring to. Taeyong had been assigned his own squad, which meant that he wouldn’t have Junmyeon’s squad to back him up. Yuta was in it, to his relief, together with Johnny, Baekhyun and Mark, but the fact that Taeyong had been assigned such a huge responsibility was enough to set Yuta on edge.

“He’s going to hate himself if anything happens to anyone in his squad. I know him, Tennie, and he’s going to eat himself up from the inside out till he can’t handle it anymore.” Yuta was scared Taeyong was going to pale under the pressure, was going to destroy himself if something happened to anyone under his care.

Taeyong felt guilty about squashing bugs, let alone having someone on his squad die.

Yuta had the sudden urge to run upstairs and snuggle close to Taeyong and never let him go, expedition be damned.

“But he’s also skilled, Yuta, you just said so yourself. Everyone trusts him fully.”

Yuta nodded. “I know that.”

“Maybe you two should head to bed.” Yuta whipped his head around and was met with Jungwoo, the nurse that was under Kun’s wing.

“Fine, woo. You scared the living shit out of me.” Ten responded, the waver in his voice long gone. Yuta knew that his feelings were not, were far from gone, but sometimes a conversation helped them fade to the background.

Yuta allowed Ten to pull him into a hug. He hugged Jungwoo too, when Ten let go off him, and made his way upstairs and into his room. When Yuta slipped into bed and felt Taeyong’s arms close around him, he noticed the candle wax on the little platter on their nightstand was still wet.

Yuta had spent several days of his childhood just looking at the front gate. Heavy wood, towering over the civilians as a means to protect them. Whenever it opened it showed nothing but fields of grass as far as Yuta could see before they closed up again. Whether the Scout Regiment had just left or returned depended on the day.

Yuta had always wondered what was outside those walls. Old books that his grandpa had kept spoke of large oceans and animals with long necks. The old books had gotten him killed in the end, but Yuta had always cherished the thought of the ocean.

Deep down, Yuta knew that the possibility of ever seeing the desserts and oceans the book had spoken of was minimal. And yet, every time he left the confines of the Walls behind him and galloped through the gates on the back of his horse, there was a tiny bit of hope. It settled warm in his stomach, deep down where nobody could find it and where it wouldn’t overtake Yuta completely.

The anxiety was always heavier, kept the hope at bay, but Yuta never forgot it was there.

He felt it again as the noises of Shiganshina filled his ears, the market bustling around them as the Scout corps got ready for departure. Yuta allowed his vision to blur on the sides as he focused on the gate, the small spark of hope settling in its usual spot.

Junmyeon was yelling out the last orders but Yuta tuned them out. He knew what he had to do. He was there to support, his place in the formation not completely on the outside lines but closer to them rather than the middle. Ten and Johnny were joining him again to form their triangle within the formation. Yuta knew that Mark’s squad were further within the middle, accompanied by Sicheng, Jungwoo and Kyungsoo.

Taeyong was at the front. He wasn’t in the middle like their last expedition but was instead ordered to take the front with some of the commander’s squad. Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Irene and Taeyong were all at the front and no matter how much Yuta cared for the others, he mostly hoped he would see Taeyong again when they regrouped for the night.

For the first time in three years, Junmyeon had ordered an overnight expedition. Wanting to use the advantage of titans being immobile without sunlight, Junmyeon had chosen to keep on going during the night and advance further outside the walls than they had ever reached before.

The thought was terrifying, but no one had been able to change the commander’s mind. He was desperate to find something, _anything_ , to prove that their expeditions weren’t useless and a waste of time and human life. Yuta wasn’t sure what Junmyeon was expecting to find but Yuta had faith in him and could relate to the _need_ to know more.

Even if it meant watching his boyfriend take the front lines.

“Are we ready?!”

Yuta mirrored the others as they put their fists against their hearts and let out a loud howl. Yuta watched as the gate was opened and felt his horse move, following the others that were now running to the world outside the walls.

At the beginning, everyone was hopeful. As Yuta looked beside him, he could see Ten had a smile on his face as they rushed forward. The Scouts were excited, thrilled to search for more. But Yuta knew that behind Ten’s smile was so much turmoil, so much fear. The anxiety of not knowing whether he could go home to Kun after this, the fear of a repetition of what happened to Yangyang. Ten was smiling, sure, but his hands were shaking.

Yuta’s were, too, he noticed. He clenched his jaw and looked forward; his eyes trained on the fields in front of them. He clutched the reins tightly, hoping his hands would still.

“Positions!” A green flare was shot into the air and Yuta took a deep breath before taking off, stirring his horse to the left.

Yuta knew Johnny and Ten were following. For a few seconds, all he could hear was the loud sounds of hooves hitting the already caved in earth, worn by the horses that had gone before them. When they reached the right position, Yuta looked to the side.

Ten was no longer smiling. Instead, his eyes were focused on the miles in front of them, body leaned forward. When Yuta turned his head to watch Johnny, he could only see the man's back, slightly bent over the horse as well.

These grounds Yuta knew. In a few minutes they would reach a foresty area, which they would go around. That in itself was a change from their regular way of doing this. Normally, they would enter the woods. They would use the trees to their advantage and find titans, killing them for research purposes instead of defense.

"Green flare!" Johnny exclaimed, taking Yuta's attention away from the back of his head and into the sky. Yuta followed as Johnny stirred his horse to the left, trusting that Ten would do the same. The adrenaline of it all made Yuta forget for a little bit. There was nothing but the grass and the looming trees in front of them, fields of nothingness that they had yet to see. Yuta felt like he was flying, even just for a little bit. Like he had become a bird that was watching them from above.

Yuta hoped the birds would watch over Taeyong for him.

Despite the split up for the forest, the expedition had been going well. Apart from a few titans they had encountered, Yuta deemed the expedition successful so far. If he heard correctly from Johnny, Lisa had even managed to take a piece of skin from one of the titans her squad had defeated. Which in itself wasn't groundbreaking, but they would have to make do.

The forest was now far behind them, the sun setting in the distance. Yuta swallowed, feeling the scratchiness of his throat. He sighed, making his horse speed up. Ten had taken front position and he held the water.

Before Yuta could open his mouth, though, he spotted something in the air. A black cloud, stark against the yellow and orange of the setting sun.

"Abnormal!" Yuta's hand was on his flare gun in an instant, eyes focused on the flare in the air.

"See anything?" Ten yelled back, his head turning. Yuta shook his head and was about to reply when Johnny gasped from behind him.

"Spotted!"

Yuta fired the flare in a split second before holstering his gun, taking his blades instead. He turned his head to the direction where the flare had come from as quickly as he could, and he was met with a sight that he had never seen before.

A titan came crawling toward them in high speed, his legs and arms longer than the rest of his body. It reminded Yuta of a spider his mother had made him kill once, one with big scary eyes and hairy legs.

"Run!" Johnny yelled. Yuta hit his foot against the back of his horse just as Ten did the same and they were off within an instant. Logically, Yuta knew they weren't going to outrun the Abnormal, especially as it moved on all fours instead of just two legs, but Johnny's idea to run was the best they could do. They were surrounded by small trees and fields of grass. Without any high buildings around there was nothing they could do.

"Oh fuck oh fuck." Yuta spoke, speeding up faster. He didn't know these parts at all. They had managed to get to fairly new grounds without too many injuries and all Yuta could do was hope that there was a forest they could rush to anywhere nearby.

It seemed as if his prayers were answered when a green flare was shot into the air, indicating a direction change further to the left.

"He's close!" Johnny yelled. Yuta was too afraid to turn his head, scared that his fear would freeze him, but he trusted Johnny on his word.

"Forest!" Ten screamed, making Yuta look to the left.

Tall trees towered in the distance and Yuta almost sighed in relief.

"We're not going to make it!"

"Get close enough to fucking use your gear!" Yuta's head snapped to the side at the voice.

"What the fuck are you doing here Chanyeol?"

"Junmyeon sent me! Jump! Now!"

Yuta was about to ask if the older was out of his goddamn mind because the trees were too far away when Chanyeol jumped and Ten followed. Yuta sighed before activating his gear, following in their footsteps.

He surged through the air and felt his hooks hook onto the nearest tree with finality. Yuta threw his head back and caught a glimpse of the titan that was following them. He swallowed harshly, holding back the scream that threatened to spill out of his mouth.

He looked to the front again instead, finally reaching the trees. "Up!"

Yuta followed Chanyeol's orders and finally felt safe enough to look around. The trees in the forest were taller than any Yuta had ever seen before, thick leaves serving as a dark blanket that covered them instantly.

Chanyeol shot himself up to a thick branch and Yuta watched Ten follow before he did, too. Yuta gasped as he felt his feet hit the hard surface of the wood, tumbling slightly. He heard Johnny gasp too as he landed, and warmth filled Yuta's chest. They were all safe and sound.

"Where are the rest?" Yuta asked from where he was bent over, gasping for breath.

Chanyeol took his own gasp of air. "If everything goes according to plan all squads are moving to the forest."

Yuta knew the horses were safe, for titans couldn't care less about them and were only interested in humans, but he couldn't help and cast a look from the field they had come from. He knew how regular titans behaved, but no one knew what Abnormals would do.

Yuta turned his head as he heard lines zipping passed him and he watched Taeil’s squad land on a large branch a few meters away.

“Report?” Chanyeol yelled, making Yuta flinch. They were high up and out of reach, sure, but the titans could still try and climb the trees they were in.

“Luhan and Yixing are—”

“Dead.” Yuta whipped his head around to see Mark standing there, eyes wide.

Dread filled Yuta like someone had splashed a bucket of ice-cold water over his head.

“What about—”

“Taeyong is alive. He helped Jongin’s squad.”

Yuta knew he shouldn’t feel relieved, for they had lost two of their more skilled scouts, but he couldn’t help the warmth that spread through his chest at the knowledge that somehow, Taeyong had survived.

A silence fell, everyone letting the news settle in, and Yuta looked over the edge of the branch. Several titans had gathered at the bottom of a handful of trees, their arms grabbing for the humans within them but not able to reach them. The Abnormal was nowhere to be seen.

“Where is the Abnormal?” Yuta asked, eyes still on the ground below.

“You saw an Abnormal?” Taeil exclaimed, loud enough to carry over the trees.

“We fired a flare!” Johnny yelled back. Yuta looked up from the ground to see several other squads taken refuge in the thick trees, their blades ready to go. He tightened his hands around his own.

“Didn’t you guys see it?” Ten continued, voice loud. He sounded accusing and Yuta winced.

“Oh I’m sorry I didn’t see your fucking flare—we were a bit preoccupied with three other _fucking_ titans trying to devour us!” Came Jongdae’s reply, voice so loud one titan turned around and waltzed toward the tree his squad was in.

“Three titans?!” Yuta yelled back, “Why didn’t you fire a _fucking_ flare then?!”

“Because they came out of nowhere!” Renjun yelled back, turning around to face the others. There was a large blood stain on Renjun’s cheek, his blades dripping. Yuta frowned.

“Out of nowhere?! That’s not fucking possible!” Chanyeol screamed back, clearly about to lose it.

“Chanyeol!” Johnny yelled, “We don’t—”

The sound of metal rod whipping through the air made Yuta turn around. Jongdae stalked toward Chanyeol with thunder in his eyes.

“Are you saying I’m lying, Chanyeol? Have you _looked_ at my squad? Aren’t you fucking wondering where Renjun and Jaemin are?!” Yuta didn’t notice the tears on Jongdae’s face until the older was stood a few centimeters away from him, staring right into Chanyeol’s face.

Chanyeol’s face paled in an instant. Before he could say anything, though, Ten opened his mouth.

“Are they—”

“Dead.” Jongdae deadpanned, his voice not wavering but his hands shook. Yuta felt his heart sink. Renjun and Jaemin were way too young to have died.

“I’m sorry, Jongdae.” Chanyeol apologized, placing a hand on Jongdae’s shoulder. The smaller of the two nodded, wiping at his eyes.

“Do you have a report?” Jongdae asked instead, a silent apology settling between the two. Yuta watched Chanyeol swallow.

“Luhan and Yixing are dead. Junmyeon asked everyone to gather in these trees. That’s all I know.”

“Same as what we know. Where is he?”

“I have no—”

“Commander!” Yuta whipped his head around at the sound of Mark’s voice screaming bloody murder. Yuta’s blood ran cold as he rushed to stand next to Mark, a hand on his shoulder. Yuta could hear the others gather around as well. Yuta swallowed harshly, eyes focused on Taeyong as he tried to dodge the titans that suddenly had aim and knew how to grab.

Were the titans here different? Popping up out of nowhere, Abnormals that suddenly disappear and now, titans with enough intelligence to focus on one human alone.

Yuta jumped without a thought, letting his gear carry him as he surged downward. “Yuta! Are you out of your fucking mind?!”

No, he wasn’t, but his boyfriend was getting attacked and the anxiety that Yuta had felt ever since the Shiganshina gates had opened was moving him to do the one thing he promised himself he would do. And that was to protect Taeyong when such a situation presented itself.

Yuta saw red as he fell, taking advantage of the fall to slice his blades through the nape of the first he reached. He could hear Taeyong let out a scream and that’s when Yuta felt blood trickle down his cheek, before a yellow flash appeared and everything went black.

The rain came down with such power Yuta wondered how the roofs of the farm houses in the village close by were surviving such a storm. The winds were even harsher, whipping across the land and shuffling the trees. He could hear the power of it against the windows, some of them even clattering under the weight of the wind.

He tightened the blanket around his shoulder. He allowed his vision to travel toward the heavy wooden door that had kept him in this room for the past four days and he sighed. If Junmyeon’s words were anything to go by, Yuta had created quite the chaos within the walls.

Yuta had no idea what was going on. He was kept in the dark by everyone who he had seen so far and it served to make him frustrated. He wasn’t allowed a knife any longer, instead receiving his meals already cut in one-bite pieces, and there were no sharp objects in the room he was currently in.

Yuta had no idea what had happened in the forest after he had jumped out of the tree to save Taeyong, but he had heard some stories. They all differed, though, so Yuta couldn’t be sure on what was one hundred percent the truth. The details were hazy and changed per person, but the main thing was that Yuta had _somehow_ transformed himself into a titan and had fought off all the titans that had threatened the scouts among the tree tops.

Yuta stared at his hands. He clenched them into fists before stretching them out again. So many things were still unknown, vague, and Yuta wondered whether things could ever be the same again. If the Military Police got their way, Yuta would be under their custody within the next twenty-four hours. If Junmyeon had anything to say about it, Yuta would stay in their midst.

The reality that that decision was going to be made by the Higher Judge, a man Yuta had never met before and clearly favored the Military Police over the Scout Regiment, weighed heavy on Yuta’s chest. If the Military Police received custody over him, Yuta wasn’t sure whether he would live to see next week.

But, Junmyeon had a plan. The commander had come in last night, explaining how he would convince the Higher Judge by using Yuta as a test subject to find out more about titans and a weapon they could use on expeditions. Yuta wasn’t sure whether he was comfortable with that, but he would act the part if needed.

“Yuta?” Taeyong’s voice startled Yuta out of his reverie, his eyes leaving the window to look at the door once more.

“Come in!” Yuta responded, a smile on his face.

Taeyong slipped into the room with a small smile on his face. He was already wearing his outside gear, the green cape wrapped around his shoulders. Yuta felt his heart hurting in his chest.

After Yuta had transformed and managed to fight the titans that were threatening the Scouts, they had had to terminate the mission and make their way back to Shiganshina. Yuta had been unconscious for the entire ride, not living the nightmare that had been battling the titans that tried to grab and eat any human they could find.

They had lost many. Yuta felt the guilt threatening to overtake him, his throat closing up as tears welled up in his eyes. Taeyong was on him immediately, arms wrapping around Yuta’s waist and head tucked into his neck.

“Stop, Yuta.”

Yuta swallowed, wrapping his arms around Taeyong’s neck. “I might not come back.”

Taeyong grew rigid at his words, making Yuta regret them instantly. “You’re coming back with us. They are not taking you away.”

“I’m a danger to society! I am one of them!”

Taeyong pulled away roughly. Yuta wanted to whimper at the loss.

“You are not one of them! You defended us! You fought the titans!” Taeyong yelled back, eyes angry.

Some scouts wanted Yuta out of their midst. Yuta wasn’t stupid. He had heard some of the older scouts talk by his window or as they guarded the doors. And perhaps they were right. Yuta could be a potential danger to anyone he came across, even those he loved, because he might have kept control of himself one time, but there wasn’t any certainty that he wouldn’t lose control the next time he transformed.

“But why?! Why can I transform? Why was I able to keep control?! I’m a titan! How could I have not known?!” Yuta yelled back, asking Taeyong the very question he had been asking himself for the past four days.

The only person who could possibly know was his mother, and Yuta had no idea where she was.

Taeyong took a deep breath, closing his eyes. “Once we have official custody over you, we will do everything in our power to figure that out. Lisa has been jumping up and down to do tests but Junmyeon has had to hold her back because of the danger it might be.”

Yuta couldn’t help but form a tiny smile. Of course, Lisa wanted to do research on him. He was the only thing that could help them understand Titans right now. Even if Yuta understood absolutely nothing, she would. Somehow.

“What if that doesn’t happen, though? What if the Military Police gains custody over me? They’ll kill me on the spot—I’d never get to see you again!” Yuta screamed the last few words, his heart wrenching in pain. Taeyong was on him in a second, arms wrapped around him. Yuta didn’t know when the tears had started to flow but he could feel his cheeks growing wetter, the fabric of Taeyong’s shirt dampening.

Taeyong shushed him. “That won’t happen, love. I promise you. We will fight for you. I will fight for you. I love you, always remember that.”

Yuta had never stepped foot in a court room before. There simply hadn’t been a reason to. Whenever he got in trouble when he was younger, things were handled with a slap on the wrist and that had been it. He had seen pictures, though, back when he attended school, and it had always intimidated him.

Walking into one with his hands bound to his back, two Military Police members at both of his sides and people in the stands eyeing him as if he was the human spawn of death didn’t make his first experience a good one. Yuta knew he wasn’t here for a good experience, but he hoped it would have a good ending, at least.

He allowed one of the Military Police members to pull him toward a wooden stand, letting the man untie his hands and then tie them again, Yuta’s arms now wound around the pole. He tugged on his restraints to test them, the noise of metal hitting the wood echoing through the room.

It was dead silent apart from the guards’ their footsteps as they stepped away from Yuta. Yuta didn’t look back at them. Instead, his eyes scanned the left side of the room where the Scouts stood, his gaze falling upon Taeyong. The captain was standing next to Junmyeon, looking straight ahead.

Yuta allowed himself to look for a few seconds before he turned his head to the front, his eyes finding the judge. The older man was already staring at him, eyebrows raised as if challenging Yuta to do something. Junmyeon had warned Yuta about this, so he stayed put. If he as so much flinched in the judge’s general direction, the Military Police would have him killed on the spot.

This seemed to be a different man than Junmyeon had described, however. Junmyeon had described the judge to be older, with grey hair and a slight beard. The man that was currently seated where the judge was supposed to be was a significantly younger man with black hair, eyes more curious than angry.

Yuta turned his head to eye Junmyeon, who now had a slight smile on his face. Yuta felt relief washing over him. If Junmyeon was somewhat relieved, Yuta had no reason to distrust that.

The people in the stands had taken notice for the noise behind Yuta grew louder, whispers turning into normal voices and hushed tones turning into unmistakable disgust. Yuta blocked them out easily, thanking his own years of training for that, keeping his eyes on the judge.

“Order!” The man yelled, hitting the wood in front of him with a hammer. The effect was instantaneous, the noise dying down around Yuta within a second. The judge cleared his throat, taking hold of a piece of paper that lay in front of him.

Yuta swallowed. The judge’s voice drone on, listing the reason why the trial was deemed necessary and acknowledging both the Military Police and the Scouts as part of the case. Junmyeon took to the stand as representative for the Scouts while a man Yuta had never seen before took the stand as representative for the Military Police.

“State your demands.” The judge commanded, sitting back in his chair. Yuta couldn’t see either of the representative’s faces, but he assumed Junmyeon hadn’t shown any form of emotion. It reminded Yuta of the first time he had listened to Junmyeon’s speech at the graduation ceremony, how despite the fact that Yuta had always been sure he wanted to be part of the Scout Regiment, Junmyeon’s speech had moved him and motivated him once more.

He hoped Junmyeon could do the same thing today.

“I, Kim Junmyeon, Lead-Commander of the Scout-Regiment, demand that Nakamoto Yuta stay under our custody. We aim to investigate what his powers entail and use it for humanities greater good to one day find out how to rid the world of the Titans completely.” Before Junmyeon could continue, the man representing the Military Police scoffed.

“If you wish to eradicate all Titans, it is best to start with him.” The man turned back to Yuta and pointed at him, his eyes full of fear and hatred. Yuta had to fight the urge to scream at him. Coward.

“Chief Park, let Commander Kim speak. Your turn will present itself!” The judge stated, hitting the wood with his hammer once more. Yuta flinched. Behind him, he heard someone gasp.

The man scoffed, but kept his mouth shut as Junmyeon cleared his throat. “Thank you, Judge. We plan to eradicate all Titans once and for all, but for that we need Nakamoto. He is the only person who could help us get closer to an answer, something we have never had before.”

Yuta watched as the judge nodded, not showing any sign of agreement or disagreement. Instead, he turned his head to Chief Park. “Now it’s your turn to speak.”

Chief Park cleared his throat loudly, widening his stance just a little bit. Yuta couldn’t help but roll his eyes. He looked away from where he had been staring at the judge and found Taeyong already looking at him, the worry clear in his features. Yuta felt his heart ache. He wanted to rush over and tell Taeyong that everything was going to be just fine, but Yuta had no idea whether he would be right or not.

“I, Chief Park Jinyoung, demand that Nakamoto Yuta will be put under our custody for the safety of humankind. We are not sure what he can do or plans to do with his powers, so we will investigate him to the best of our abilities. After we have learned everything we can, we deem it the safer option to kill him.” Yuta had known this was coming, but the cold dread that weighed his body down surprised him nonetheless.

He could hear a few gasps from behind him, while most seemed to agree with Chief Park. The judge didn’t move, only looked at Chief Park as if the man was going to elaborate on his statement. When the man kept quiet, the judge leaned back.

“Do you have significant proof that would justify killing Nakamoto?” He then asked, turning back to the chief. Yuta’s eyes widened. He had expected for the judge to go in full attack mode toward Junmyeon, prodding him for answers to questions Junmyeon didn’t even know himself because even Yuta, the person who was supposed to know the answers, didn’t know them. He hadn’t expected for the judge to take their side so early on in the trial.

“Bu—But of course, Your Honour! He’s a titan! He’s one of them!” Chief Park retorted; voice loud. He clearly hadn’t expected to be doubted either. Yuta turned his head to look at the Scouts, his eyes travelling across the faces he knew so well. Ten and Kun were stood closest to the public stands, eyes trained on the judge. Johnny stood next to them with Jaehyun by his side. The Commander Squad continued the line, all with emotionless faces. Except, their anger was visible. It was visible in how many of them had their eyebrows slightly tilted. Some had a full-on frown on their faces. Others had their hands clenched into fists.

Yuta felt warmth seep into his bones. They were all here for him, ready to defend him. He had expected for them to be disgusted by him, even scared of him, but as far as Yuta knew, those who he cared about continued to support him. Despite his newfound and terrifying power.

“We have witnesses to support our statement that Nakamoto is no danger to the public, for he can control his power and saved several of our own when the power presented itself.” Junmyeon butted in, catching the chief off guard once more.

Park scoffed, “The only witnesses you can provide are those with a bias toward Nakamoto.”

Yuta wanted to snarl at the man. He wanted to punch him in the gut. The reason they had no other witnesses was because the Military Police was too cowardly and never left the safety of the Walls in the first place. Yuta watched as Taeyong tensed up and the loud, undignified snort that Yuta let out echoed around the courtroom.

The judge turned his eyes to Yuta for the first time ever since the trial started, his eyes travelling over Yuta’s body. Yuta tensed his hands, his restraints jiggling. “Is that amusing to you, Mr. Nakamoto?”

Yuta shook his head, not allowing his shoulders to cower at the tone of voice the judge was using. Yuta kept his eyes firmly trained on the judge, the rest of the courtroom a blur to him, and he sighed. “The only reason why we only have Scouts as witnesses for this trial is simply because the Military Police doesn’t join our expeditions. Or anyone else, for that matter.”

A heavy silence fell across the courtroom and for a second Yuta thought he had royally fucked this up, before the judge nodded. “That is justified.”

“Excuse me, Your Honour, but this sounds like an accusation!” Chief Park protested. Yuta decided then and there that he hated the man with a fiery passion.

“An accusation of what, Chief Park?” Junmyeon asked, his features loosening up just a tad. it was invisible to those who didn’t know Junmyeon too well, but as someone who had worked side by side with the man for three years, Yuta could see it.

“An accusation of treason! The im—”

“No one is accusing you of treason, Chief Park. Mr Nakamoto merely stated a fact. They are the only ones brave enough to travel beyond the Walls, and therefore they can only provide us with witnesses from within their own ranks.” The judge sounded less than pleased with Chief Park’s behaviour. Yuta looked up at the ceiling, thanking whatever _entity_ that resided up there for a judge that was on their side.

Chief Park bristled and Yuta looked toward his right, where a few Military Police soldiers stood looking less than pleased with the situation. Yuta wanted to smirk, but stopped himself. This was not the time to cause a fight.

“Present the witnesses then! Let’s see what they have to say!” Chief Park exclaimed, making the judge hit his desk with the hammer quite loudly. Yuta winced. Chier Park was clearly losing his cool. He was probably used to quick cases, with judges on their side, and hadn’t accounted for the fact that sometimes, people disagreed with him.

“This is my courtroom, Chief Park. I ask of you to let me do the talking, or I will have you escorted out at once.” The judge said, voice loud. He turned to Junmyeon, “Who do you want to take the stand first, Commander?”

Junmyeon turned his head to look at the Scouts present, before pointing at Taeyong. Yuta’s eyes widened. They hadn’t discussed this. Either Chanyeol or Johnny were going to serve as witnesses, that was what Junmyeon had assured Yuta, at least.

Taeyong didn’t seem fazed, however. He took it in stride, walking over to the wooden stand that had been empty so far, clearing his throat.

“State your name, age and occupation.” The judge spoke, turning his full attention to Taeyong. Yuta wanted to scream. He couldn’t see Chief Park’s face, but he didn’t have to, to know that the man was probably scheming some sort of plan in his head to bring down Yuta. And perhaps the entire Scout Regiment if he wanted to.

“Lee Taeyong, twenty-five. Squad Captain for the Scout Regiment.” His voice was cool, collected, and Yuta had to hold himself back from trying to break out of his restraints and rush up to Taeyong to kiss him on the spot. He was risking everything to stand there. For if the judge chose to put Yuta under the Military Police’s custody, everyone who defended Yuta could get into serious trouble.

There were stories of those who didn’t cooperate with the Military Police mysteriously disappearing, some of them found dead weeks after their disappearance. Yuta felt his heart clench at the thought of that happening to Taeyong.

“Thank you, Captain Lee. Now, could you please recall in detail what happened after Mr. Nakamoto showed his powers?” The judge asked. Yuta could hear the people behind him shutting up instantly, and he found himself curious, too. They had told him a handful of things of what had taken place, but not everything after Yuta had come to.

Taeyong nodded, taking Yuta’s attention. “Of course, Your Honour. I was surrounded by titans, so I sadly can’t tell you what happened before hand. However, when a bright flash of yellow light appeared out of nowhere, the titans suddenly weren’t interested in me anymore. When I turned my head, I was greeted with a fifteen-class titan. I was petrified, at first, but when the Titans that had surrounded me turned to it instead of me, I realized something was off. Yuta, in titan form, fought off all the titans with ease, saving me and a dozen other Scouts in the process.”

It was the story Taeyong had told Yuta, except for the fact that Taeyong had refrained from telling Yuta his emotions. Yuta frowned.

Chief Park let out a scoff, taking Yuta’s attention away from his boyfriend. The judge turned to the Chief as well. “Would you like to comment, Chief Park?”

The chief nodded. “You expect us to believe that story? Titans choosing another titan over humans?”

This time it was Junmyeon’s turn to scoff. “It’s not that odd, Chief. Some abnormals don’t have interest in humans, either. But you wouldn’t know that, would you? They’ve never appeared within the walls, after all.”

Yuta had the urge to whoop, and when he turned his head, he could see most of the Scouts grinning with pride.

“Witness dismissed. Let’s carry on.”

Yuta was exhausted. The sun had gone down long ago, the courtroom now lit by candles among the walls. Some of the public onlookers had left the room long before the sun had disappeared, even some Military Police soldiers having been called away for other tasks. The Scouts were still standing though, Ten leaving the wooden stand after recalling his version of the story.

Chief Park had presented numerous of feeble statements from Military Police soldiers, even going as far as turning to the Scouts and asking them questions. All to no avail, of course, because no Scout present didn’t care about Yuta.

Yuta had slouched down into a sitting position, his restraints cutting into his wrists uncomfortably. The Judge looked about ready to hurl his wooden hammer at Chief Park, irritated at best, and it was almost comical. Yuta would have laughed if his life hadn’t been on the line.

Yuta had listened to statement after statement, watching as his friends took the stand and told their version of the story. He had listened to Chief Park reach for evidence that didn’t exist and quite frankly, Yuta just wanted it all to end and for him to crawl into bed.

“I have made my decision!” The judge exclaimed just as Ten stood back in his place next to Kun. Yuta’s head shot up, his restraints clanking against the wood of the pole. His arms were tired and aching with the strain as Yuta stood up, ready to hear what the Judge had to say.

His eyes found Taeyong’s, who was already looking at him with hope visible in his eyes. Yuta hoped that he could go home with the Scouts and crawl into bed next to Taeyong. He needed the affection.

“I, Judge Kim Heechul of the Court of Wall Sina, Rose and Maria, I hereby declare Nakamoto Yuta will stay under the custody of the Scout Regiment.” The bang of the wooden hammer against the desk was loud, and relief washed over Yuta like a tidal wave. He allowed his head to fall, his shoulders to slouch, and a sigh to leave his lips.

He was staying with his family.

“Bu—”

“I have made my decision, Chief Park.” The judge’s voice was irritated, cutting Chief Park off with ease. Yuta waited for Ten and Kun to walk over and release his restraints, immediately rubbing the skin around his wrists.

Ten wrapped an arm around Yuta’s shoulder. “You’re staying with us, Yuyu.”

Getting out of the courtroom was a blur of exhaustion and happiness. Yuta allowed Junmyeon and Taeyong to guide him out of the building, only to be greeted by a crowd of civilians that didn’t look too pleased with the outcome.

Yuta kept close to Junmyeon as they tried to wade through the crowd, screams and loud voices reaching Yuta’s ears. Some tried to touch him, shove at him, and it made Yuta’s skin crawl.

“He’s an abomination! He will eat us all!” Yuta turned his head to look at the source of the voice, and was met with leaders of the Church staring at him with dismay. Yuta couldn’t help the smirk that crept up his cheeks. He wanted to yell something back but Taeyong pulled him away before he had the chance to, ushering him into one of the wagons.

This time, there wasn’t any rain as Yuta stood and looked out of the window. It was pitch black outside, the lanterns around the headquarter grounds turned off. Taeyong and his room was blanketed in darkness as well, the candle on the bedside table having burned out.

“You should get some sleep, love.”

Yuta nodded, but didn’t move. The weight of it all had settled in. The last few days he had experienced, but he hadn’t felt. The heaviness of it all hit him like a brick; he had no idea where this all came from and yet, from today on forward, it was all he was going to be asked about.

“Yuta?”

He hummed, taking a step back from the window. The initial relief he had felt had faded and left anxiety in its wake. He felt the anxiety settle slightly as Taeyong wrapped his arms around him from behind, placing a kiss on the nape of his neck.

“This is not your fault, you know?” The words didn’t hit Yuta, not like Taeyong’s usual words did. Yuta felt numb, like none of the words would ever hit him again, but he tried to shove it away. He wasn’t an abomination. This wasn’t his fault. He had no idea where this was coming from, where these powers came from and how they had never manifested before. There were too many questions with no answers and it made Yuta’s head spin.

“I’m the one with—”

“Yuta, no. I won’t let you do this.”

Taeyong pulled him backwards, pushing Yuta onto the bed. He was on him in a second, lips against Yuta’s. Yuta wondered how Taeyong was still here, why he was still here. He was the very thing that had taken the life of Taeyong’s father, a Scout himself, a man Taeyong had loved and respected till he didn’t come home one day.

He was the very thing Taeyong had sworn to eradicate, and yet here Taeyong was, kissing him.

He clearly sensed that Yuta wasn’t as into it, pulling back with a frown. “Talk to me. Now.”

Taeyong sat up and Yuta allowed himself to follow, sitting with his back to the wall. Yuta could hear a creak down the hall, the wind against the windows.

“Why are all of you so—so,”

“Supportive?” Taeyong finished Yuta’s sentence seamlessly. Yuta wanted to scream instantly.

He squeezed his hands together, his nails digging into the palms of his hands. “It’s—everyone here trained so hard to fight titans. To kill them. And I am one of them now! How—”

“You’re not a titan! You’re Yuta. You’re a human with titan powers that could potentially save humanity! When will you get this through your thick skull, Yuta? We’re supportive because we _love_ you and because you are the very thing we need right now.” Taeyong was screaming now, and for a second Yuta worried they would wake everyone up.

“What if I’m not? What if everyone is risking their careers to defend me when I’m useless! I have no idea where all of this is coming from!” Yuta responded; voice equally loud. Everyone could wake up. Everyone could wake up and hear them and then they would finally realise what they had done and—

And then what?

The thought of having to die and leave Taeyong made Yuta’s blood run cold. Why wasn’t he happier about this? He’s allowed to stay alive and be with the people he loves. But the responsibility that the future of humankind lies within his hands, made Yuta’s heart beat faster in the worse way possible. What if he fucked it up? What if he couldn’t succeed, couldn’t help?

“We’ll figure that out! Don’t you understand? You’ve given us purpose again! Junmyeon was so close to giving in and letting the King disband us all, letting the Scout Regiment turn to dust and something our kids would read about in their history books! Your power bears so much possibilities!” Taeyong yelled, hands finding Yuta’s cheeks and holding him, pulling his face to look at Taeyong’s. Yuta’s breath hitched as he witnessed two tear drops make their way down Taeyong’s cheeks.

“I—I’m sorry.” Yuta whispered. He reached up to wipe away the tears, his thumb caressing the soft skin of Taeyong’s cheek. Taeyong smiled at him, a small smile that he only presented to Yuta, and it warmed Yuta’s heart.

“You don’t have to be sorry, my love. We’ll always be here. I’ll always be here.” Taeyong whispered, leaning in to place a kiss on Yuta’s cheek.

Yuta smiled back, rubbing their noses together. “Thank you, baby.”

Taeyong just hummed. He took Yuta’s hand and Yuta allowed himself to be pulled down to lay down on the bed. Taeyong wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling Yuta against him. It made Yuta feel so small, but not in the negative sense of the word. He wrapped his arms around Taeyong, too, and sighed.

From tomorrow onward things were going to be so different. Yuta felt like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders and perhaps even more, but for now the only thing he allowed himself to feel was the way Taeyong’s thumb caressed his hipbone through his trousers, the motion repetitive enough to calm Yuta down.

The silence around them stretched while they lay there, wrapped around each other.

Yuta sighed once more. He pressed a kiss against Taeyong’s collarbone before closing his eyes, allowing the exhaustion that weighed his bones down to overtake him.

The field Lisa had now dubbed ‘The Experience Field’—it really just was the field where the horses could walk freely if they were let out of the stables—was crowded. Junmyeon’s squad stood to the side, their swords and 3D gear ready. Others were stood behind the wooden fences without their gear, curious as to what was going to go down.

Yuta stood on a wooden table; Lisa close by. Taeyong was with Junmyeon’s squad, but Yuta could feel Taeyong’s eyes on him constantly. He was safe. If things went wrong, none of the squad members would hesitate to at least cut Yuta down in titan form and make him immobile.

They had received clear instructions not to go anywhere near the nape, where, according to Lisa, Yuta’s body was when he transformed. At least, she had pulled Yuta out of the corpse of his own titan after his first transformation. If they did touch his nape, the chance that Yuta would survive was very slim.

“Yuta! Are you ready?” Yuta turned his head and nodded at Jongdae, who stood just off to the side with his gear ready. Minseok, Sehun and Baekhyun had taken their positions behind Yuta.

Yuta eyed the knife in his hand and flexed his fingers, before letting the knife cut into his palm. The pain he felt in his hand was nothing compared to the pain in his body, the feeling as if someone was ripping out all his muscles at once. He yelled, closing his eyes.

When he opened his eyes again, Yuta saw that he was far above the ground. He was conscious this time, could move the hands of his titan like he was moving his own hands.

Immediately, he felt several hooks cutting into his skin. It felt like tiny needles stabbing into his legs and torso, but he didn’t shrug them off. He could kill one of his own if he did that. Instead, he stood still as the Scouts climbed his body. He felt someone on his shoulder and raised his hand to them, letting the person step on his hand.

When he moved his hand in front of his face, he was met with both Taeyong and Lisa staring at him. Lisa looked close to tears with joy, her hands flying to touch Yuta when she deemed it safe enough. Taeyong just stood there, eyes wide, and for a second Yuta felt his heart sink. When Taeyong jumped off of his hand, Yuta wanted to cry out. Except, Lisa was still standing near his face and he feared that if he did that, she would be blown off.

He felt tiny stabs on top of his head, though, and heard Taeyong’s voice carry through the wind. “This is kind of fucking amazing.”

Yuta snorted, startling Lisa into a yelp. “Yuta!”

She was laughing, her hands never leaving the muscle of Yuta’s titan face. When Yuta cast a look to his side, he could see both Junmyeon and Chanyeol standing on his other shoulder. Chanyeol looked absolutely terrified, his eyes wide and face pale, but Junmyeon was smiling.

Yuta closed his eyes as he felt more tiny stabs in his legs and torso, registering them as other members climbing their way up.

Yuta opened his eyes again when he felt Lisa poke at it.

“Register how far you can see, pretty please.” Yuta huffed, hoping she would realize it was an affirmative. He couldn’t talk in this form, so instead he allowed his eyes to look beyond Lisa. He could see over the forest, his body taller than any of the trees. He couldn’t look over the wall, his titan body too short for that, but Yuta figured he was at least in the ten-meter class.

“Maybe it’s time to stop now.” Came Taeyong’s voice from above, making Yuta grunt. His arms were starting to tire down from holding Lisa up to his face and he could feel his legs wanting to give out. He hadn’t done much, hadn’t done anything, but perhaps practice made perfect.

“Yuta? Do you know how to stop?” Yuta turned his head to look at Junmyeon, eyes wide. He had absolutely no idea how to get out of his titan body. He shook his head softly, hoping not to jostle Taeyong.

“Let him sit down. If we’re careful, we can probably cut him out of the nape.” That made Yuta growl, a noise he didn’t even know he could make. Lisa merely raised an eyebrow before she jumped off of his hand, probably notifying the others that Yuta was going to move around.

After a few minutes, Yuta could no longer feel the stabs of the hooks in his body. He tried moving his legs, and bent his knees down. When he reached the ground, he sat down. He felt the pull in his hair and opened his mouth, letting out what to him was a yelp. He watched as Baekhyun and Jongdae readied their swords, though.

Had Taeyong stayed on top of his head?

“Okay, Taeyong, if you think you can do it, cut him out.” Came Junmyeon’s voice from down below. Yuta wanted to shake his head and scream that this wasn’t Taeyong’s responsibility, that if he accidentally hurt Yuta Taeyong wouldn’t live it down, but he felt the prodding in his nape much like an itch before everything went black.

“Yuta!” Yuta groaned, opening his eyes slowly. The first thing he could see was Taeyong’s face hovering over him, relief lightening his features when he realized that Yuta was fine. Yuta felt as if though every muscle in his body had gone flaccid.

He smiled, though, and nodded. “M good.”

His voice was groggy and rough, and within a second he was handed a flask with water. He looked up to see both Junmyeon and Lisa staring at him with smiles on their faces, relief in both of their eyes.

Yuta took a sip of the water and tried not to let the sudden sense of responsibility hit him like a boulder.

“You might just save humanity, Yuta.”

**Author's Note:**

> aaaaaaah thank u for reading! please leave a comment and kudos are highly appreciated! 
> 
> follow [my twitter](https://twitter.com/softyjseo) to read abt my love for the boys and for more of my fics you can check out my ao3 profile! 
> 
> I hope you'll have a lovely day or night wherever you are whenever you're reading this, and know that you're loved.
> 
> mwah.


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